此文章很有代表性，一些水平差點的文章可能對程度不好的考生更有幫助。

賴老師您好！
有機會能在網上請您判雅思寫作，真的感謝您。我現在很困惑，因為我在北京上過兩個雅思班，一個要求我們用大詞和復雜句，一個不讓用大詞并要求越簡單越好，結果我都照著去作，去年考了兩次雅思，寫作都只得5分，我今年馬上要在新西蘭考雅思，不知道怎樣寫才對，懇請您在百忙之中，看看我的作文，多多指教。非常感謝您的無私幫助。
                                                     劉暢19/05/2003

V116 Some information in films, books and on the Internet has had influence on young people, and even on society. Some think such information should be controlled/censored. Discuss both sides and state your opinion. You should use your own experience or examples.
 
Nowadays, sa(?) we are3(?) lieing(?) in a high technologic country, there are many advanced media surrounding us, which enrich our leasure(leisure) times and assist our professional research However, some people complain that the government should reduce the use of these media among young people. From my point of view, I would say these media both have advantages and disadvantages for the youngth(young). We should look at all of the aspects carefully.
 
Reading more books and watching more films would broaden ou(our) minds. Because we read different kinds of books and obtain different information form films, we are able to acknowledge(know) different cultures in many countries. We would have more opportunities to meet various friends who come from overseas, as we have known their backgrounds and we have a lot of things in common.
 
Another important reason for these media is they(?) make things quicker. Take the internet for example, it not only has a huge rangs(range) of information ,but also would help us to select what sort of material we accurately(exactly) need in a few seconds
 
Although these kind(s) of media are convenient ,they still have some drawbacks. Committing crimes should be recognized as the main disadvantage of those media. According to an analysis in an academic magazine ,a quarter of the crimes were committed by young people and over 50% of them were committed by watching violent movies and reading sexual plots( pornography ) on the internet. Those young people have disturbed our stable living environment((???)). Some doctors reported that most older than 15 years old young patients go wound(?) because of imitating the Gong Fu Stars' actions. As far as protecting young people's lives is concerned, the government should control the times of programs which invoves(involves) some over exciting plots(?).
 
To sum up, the government should strenthen（strengthen） the beneficial aspects of the media and minimize the proportion of those drawbacks.
 
點評:     
得分為5分。
此學員確實能用一些較復雜的表達(相對應其程度來講)，但出錯率太高，光
拼寫的累積扣分就夠他受的。其實會用難詞、難句當然會給考官好印象，但
此生的英語程度尚不能刻意去這樣做，用錯了給倒扣。6分的表達水平并不
在于用難詞、難句，而在于能夠比較精確地表達自己的思想。另外，作者對
IELTS TASK2的文章結構理解不夠，這樣寫的整體感較差.下面我把作者所
寫的東西重新組織一下，這樣就可以提高可讀性了。

BODY1段首加上：
Admittedly media such as films, books and the Internet play an important role in our daily lives. They can not only broaden our minds but also help us better communicate with other people from different cultures......然后陳述
其好的方面，并把BODY2歸入BODY1。

BODY3變成BODY2，段首加上：
On the other hand, media's negative effects have appeared in society.
According to….然后陳述其壞的方面。

Conclusion:
In conclusion, films, books and the Internet have become part of our daily lives, but bad information really disturbs the peace of society. In my opinion,  the Government should take measures to censor information from the mentioned media. This practice will strengthen the beneficial aspects of the media and minimize the proportion of those drawbacks.