何鋼    

許多同學考試時得了某個檔次的分數而不知道其中的原因和癥結所在。現貼上一篇5分作文供大家討論。大家可以暢所欲言，發表自己的觀點，提出建議。我將在10天以后貼出我的評講。（何鋼）

The university should not provide so much theoretical knowledge but give students more practical training. Do you agree or disagree?

In modern society, more and more people think that the university should not provide so much theoretical knowledge but give students more practical training. However there’s also a lot of people do not agree with them. In my opinion, the university provide student more practical training is very necessary.

First, when people come to university, most of them is more than 18 years old, so they have ability to teach-self. That means student can learn theoretical knowledge mainly by self-teaching rather than by lessons.

Second, in modern society, the practical ability is becoming more and more important. But in school, students rarely have chance to practice themselves. The most of their life is compare with lots of books rather than practical training. Therefore when graduating from university, many students find them can not adapt social working requirement. That makes them frustrated. If this situation happens, it’ll be the failure of high education of the university.

Third, the target of high education is to bring up person with ability for society. The ability can be understood in two points: one is theoretical ability, the other is practical ability. As a result, the practical training is also a very import part in high education. Many universities gradually know that practical training is necessary but most of universities do not make enough effort or even give enough attention to this main task. Thus they could not really complete their duty.

So I agree that should not provide so much theoretical knowledge but give students more practical training.

 
點評：
這篇5分作文的問題所在

第一段話問題多多。首句照抄題目，要扣分，正確做法是改寫(paraphrase)。試改為：It has been a common belief that practical training, instead of theoretical knowledge, is what university students truly lack and therefore should become the major task of university education.第二句話是串句（一句話里有兩個動詞）：However there’s also a lot of people do not agree with them.應改為：However there are also a lot of people who do not agree with them.或者However a lot of people do not agree with them.但是這句話最好刪掉，因為是不折不扣的廢話。第三句話同樣是串句。可改為：It is necessary for the university to offer students with more opportunities of practical training.

第二段話只有兩句話，論證不充分，何況還是個歪理。試想：如果學生過了18歲就有能力自學，因此理論知識可以主要*自學而不是*上課這樣的說法能成立的話，那么難道學生上大學就是為了找個自習教室呆著？

第三段話和第四段話雖然有不少語言表達不得體甚至錯誤的地方，而且論證也不夠充分，但基本上還是切題的，具備6分左右的水準。

文章結尾似乎生怕考官不知道作者會使用首尾呼應的寫作手法，又照抄了一遍題目。這回呼應倒是做到了，可是由于照抄將不被計算進入總字數，更何況連抄都抄錯了，賓語從句里少了主語，屬嚴重語法錯誤。

這樣一來，文章就只有5分了。至于高分作文，如8分怎樣寫，請參見我另外的帖子。

何鋼